my sweet two-year-old
turned three, and is suddenly
a fucking madman

it's not easy to
pick your nose and play tennis
but it can be done

crying, belly hurts
x-ray shows poop, lots of poop
kid is full of shit

she was mad at me
so she sang from the front steps
'bad mama for sale'

sometimes I listen
to Yo Gabba Gabba tunes
when the kids aren't here

no more apple juice
now he can't poop; there's only
the wind off the turd

a lovely cupcake
with bright blue frosting will yield
electric green poo

farted at the gym
i thought it would be silent
alas, it was not

cruisin' through the 'burbs
my minivan freshly washed
aw yeah, dope as hell

boy climbed in my bed
for a snuggle this morning
then gagged, morning breath

stumbling as I fall
from grace; who knew that marriage
could be so damn hard

my hands, once angel soft
and smooth are now those of a
salty old sea hag

the boy eats only
clementines, and so his poo
is orange and shreddy

four year old said 'fuck'
i just have to wonder where
the fuck she heard that?

I have been seduced
by throwback packaging on
a bag of Cheetos

boy's got pneumonia
the amount of meds he needs
just makes my head swim

poop in underwear
is infinitely more gross
than poop in diaper

i once had nice boobs
round and ripe for the pickin'
now they're socks with rocks

what the fuck happened
we used to be cool, and now?
a disney cruise awaits

I sit there peeing
Mama, keep your wiener down
he says. Kid's confused.